Yes, we have our days, Anna and I. Our
battles come and I remind myself that they are rare. I don't
like my response to her STANDS that say, in her non verbal way, “I'm not
giving this up easy” It draws out the fight in me, and I don't like that.
I weep over it.
And the beautiful thing is....this
special child of mine, looks to see
if I'm alright, because she picks up on
my tension and sees my
tears. Our commitment of love does not
fail us.
It does what struggles in the middle
of life do...expose and
and reminds me, that it does not have
to be worked out all in one day.
I must not allow this battle, that
leaves me weary at times, to give up on our need for change. Anna never met
a “rut” that she didn't love! And when her “rut” runs into my
reality ---at the wrong time ---things get complicated within my heart. Who
needs change most? We both do! As we grow older together, I'm
realizing what I could “let pass” when she was younger...needs to be let go of
now.
Some ruts go down deep, and so do the
emotions that are formed in them. The greatest temptation I face, is to
focus on the rut, because when I do...I'm no help to her, and
unknowingly...I join her in it! It might not look like hers, but its a pit of a
different kind. Self-PITy.
The morning comes, and so does a new
hope.
Its okay, that we are not finished yet,
and I find as we try to
rise up out of her rut, my Heavenly
Father is perfecting my
heart in love. Embracing the pain and
struggle of learning,
digs more room in my heart, for a
greater capacity to DO
this special assignment.
Bitter becomes sweet, especially if we
guard our hearts
from resentment. The picture is bigger
than
our eyes might suggest.
Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink" ~Elizabeth Elliot
Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink" ~Elizabeth Elliot
“An evidence that our will has been
broken is
that we begin to thank God for that
which once seemed
so bitter, knowing that His time is
good and that,
in His time and in His way, He is able
to
make the most bitter waters sweet.”
~Nancy Leigh DeMoss,
A Place of Quiet Rest 
This is such an encouragement to me tonight, especially after a hard day, trying to figure out how to "mother" 3 "foster children", who have so many "issues" and emotional needs that I sometimes feel at such a loss of how to truly meet. Somedays it seems like "ruts" are all I hit, and the temptation to give way to frustration and self-pity is so great. It is good to be reminded that these ruts, that have taken years to build, do not have to be resolved in a day .... and I am encouraged afresh to search, in the midst of the challenges, for that place of quiet rest--learning more fully to trust in His sufficiency. ... and what things to just let go of. Thanks for sharing :)
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