Thursday, July 19, 2018

Sticky Tricky Progress/Anna turns 29 years old

There was evidence that some one had invaded the kitchen, in the wee hours of the night.  
Alan told me this before he left for the day.  The signs were, all the lights in the kitchen were on, but he could not figure out what she might have been up too.  The possibilities of what I might discover, have become my new "normal".  I would later uncover, a bundle of bananas beneath the blanket of her bed.  Need I mention, she loves bananas. :-)

The ways growth has called our name in this season, has surprised me.
price of progress being both bitter and sweet (like bananas).  

Independence is a good thing, but in the context of desire, its tricky.  Sometimes the answer to our dilemmas, come in simple solutions.  So, did I figure a way to lock my refrigerator or pantry?  Nope.  I just needed to hide the banana's better!

We will celebrate 29 years of this kind of love, hugs and sticky, tricky growth, today.  Like the uncovering of that bundle, has been the discovery of fruit, from my own heart.  No, I do not always "pass the test" when the covers of my heart are lifted wide open, and I see the mishmash.  It's like God has turned on all the lights, and the discovery of what I see is both difficult and progress.  Bitter and Sweet.  Sometimes that is how true progress comes to us, from the untimely, untidy, hidden, hard places.

Recently, one of Anna's admirers said, "If only she could talk!"  And those words brought to mind, how much she and I communicate already, without words.  Words like,  

"I want, and I will get."

Words that say, as she pulls me away, "Its time to go." even though it is not.  She looks into my eyes, and knows, my "NO's!"  She needs to be okay, with my "NO's", just like I need to be okay with HIS "No's" to me.

So maybe the progress that we both need to grow in this coming year is to learn the difference in what we want, verse what we need.  Desire is not bad, but has a proper place and time.  The "NO's" that come may only be, "NOT NOW, and not here.

The greatest gift, this Momma can give to this Wonder(ing) child, is to not despise these times of discovery, and see them for the sticky tricky progress they are.  And until desire finds its proper place, learn to accept the "NO's", because my Heavenly Father KNOWS ALL we need.

My heart is filled with gratitude, for another year to be called, her MOM.   

A special "toast" with banana's of course, taken a while back, on one of her birthday celebrations.  

God never withholds from His child that which 

His love and wisdom call good. God's refusals 

are always merciful -- "severe mercies" at 

times but mercies all the same. God never 

denies us our hearts desire except to give us 

something better.”

Monday, April 23, 2018

The Aggressive Pursuit of Stillness

Stillness of heart and mind is at times an aggressive pursuit of faith. Anything that carries a value always comes at a cost

Sometimes our Shepherd
 leads us to these places 
of quiet rest,
 but more often 
we learn to grow
 in faith, 
by seeking them.

In these places, when we are seeking to find HIM, we discover all the things that occupy our hearts and minds. 

They are affections, thoughts, imaginations and even while we might be physically still, we lack a “single eye” that allows us to see clearly in our darkness.

To BE STILL and to find that place, where we clear out the "patterns" of our mind, to receive the peace that passes understanding.  

It is on that place, 
HIS paths,
 being our constant guide; 
we abound in abiding.

"The light of the (uncompromisingly) righteous (is within him - it grows brighter and) rejoices, but the lamp of the wicked (furnishes only a derived, temporary light and) shall be put out shortly." Proverbs 13:9 (Ampl.)

The enemy of our soul, fights to keep us away from that place of simple devotion to Christ.  This aggressive pursuit, is what Peter was saying, in 2 Peter 1:4-8  

"Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. For this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Father grant us strength to seek, and stillness to see, the power of the simple, you have called us too.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

My stick and stone

There is a great temptation, when living with a special needs adult child to forget the world around you, is bigger than what you face daily.  And feeling alone in it, without realizing it, can cause you to despise the attention you get from it. We all seek to find "normal" as much as we can.

Until you "bump" into some one, who has weathered a storm, 
greater than your own.

I did that the other day.  I have seen this older gentleman 
walking with his stick and stone (you do that in the city)
 and he has seen Anna and I, too.  We would wave, and smile,
but finally he approached us the other day.  In less than a few minutes, I would come to know, he was the Father of twins older than my Anna (one with special needs, both with emotional problems).  And this touched me deeply on many levels.  I'm not sure, he would have approached me, without Anna there.  And you know what she did, right? Grabbed hold of him, with that smile, that ministers more than words ever could.  I saw a grace about this man, that encouraged me to press on.

And my lesson from this little encounter that day?  That our enemy comes to "kill, steal and destroy", and he starts doing this,
when our focus turns inward, instead of upward.  And he (this enemy of ours) is after our joy.

And my "stick and stone" that I will walk with, as I continue, alert and sober, will be aimed at an  ungrateful heart, like a dog barking a threat at my heels. And when I start to see the danger of Pity coming near, knowing  its aim is to drag me in a pit, and take me off this road I'm on.

I will remember, that 

me all the days of my life"

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures. ~Thornton Wilder

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.  It turns what we have into enough, and more.  It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.  ~Melody Beattie