Painful Joy

Painful Joy. This was the expression I saw on Anna’s face as she awkwardly clutched the chains of the swing, as I pushed her into the wind. Her one hand gripping the chain, while the other arm was wrapped around half touching the other chain. She was not fully aware of the correct way to feel secure—but oh the joy, to feel the push. She started to laugh so hard that sound stopped coming out, and it was then I saw a look that could have passed for pain. It is a mixture of both fear and pleasure. This painful joy state is not uncommon for those of us who have special needs children. Our children can become over simulated by the simplest things. It’s like happiness without the benefit of full understanding. While others watch the joy of it, we are aware of the pain. It’s a stimulus that has no shut off regulator, and we become responsible for the pacing of it.

Anna’s spontaneous laughter flows often lacking understanding. We smile and laugh with her, but its superficial. Sometimes we stand as a silent witness, as others look for understanding, wanting to simulate her more, because everyone loves laughter. Quietly we wait, and in the moments when all have gone, we offer her something much more valuable than fleeting fun; Commitment. Sorrow has presented to us opportunity to learn lessons of commitment that only come in the trenches. There is one thing I’ve learned in these places, and that is very few can walk with you in them. Laughter and Joy take on a much deeper meaning, because sorrow has plowed deep. You see beyond the surface, and do not always feel like the answers are necessary for going on.

It’s nice to be on the playground now and then, but I wouldn’t want to live there. Laughter works like a medicine, but pain carries with it the enduring quality of patience. Anna’s uncontrolled laughter is a reminder of how everything is not as it appears. I stop the swing and calm her and the significant of our day at the park will be more about my presence with her, than what we did. A.B. Simpson expresses beautifully the fruit of painful joy in this way, “There is a shallow, superficial nature, that gets hold of a theory or a promise lightly, and talks very glibly about the distrust of those who shrink from every trial; but the man or woman who has suffered much never does this, but is very tender and gentle, and knows what suffering really means. This is what Paul meant when he said, ‘Death worketh in you.’”

We can not separate ourselves from the shallow things of life. There presence with us points us to the painful things we can not change. How we respond to them, is more important for the present, than finding answers. I will continue to push my daughter on the swing, because these simple exercises of play show my other children that we choose to participate in LIFE, even though life does not always give us back an equal return for our efforts. We are learning that commitment has a price, and it will not be supported by anything less than Faith. This painful joy must have been what Paul also experienced in this life when he wrote;

“As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing, as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.” 2 Co 6:10

We will go as far in our faith, as we seek to want more than what we see with our eyes, hear with our ears, or touch with our hands. Anna offers this gift daily to us. In her non-verbal way she shouts, “I believe and trust you!” Her only requirement is our nearness. Does my own heart say this to my Heavenly Father, even in the midst of troubles and trials? When swung into the air of unexpected circumstances can I rest in my heart in the faithfulness of the One whose pushing my swing?

Anna will be turning 25 years old soon, and when most young ladies are growing in understanding and maturity, learning how to handle the complexities of this life. Anna could probably be seen at our near by park, being pushed on a swing, simply holding on tight in rapturous joy. Her mother is coming to appreciate the beauty of this painful joy and this keeps her pushing, while resting in His love.

Sleeping in the Storms

“And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep. And his disciples came to him and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish. And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. But the men marveled, saying, ‘What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!’” Matt. 8:24-27

There is a faith we can have that allows us to meet each storm in our lives with a confidence and calm that expresses itself in a life of spiritual REST. But like the disciples who cry out to Jesus (as he slept) “Lord save us: we perish”, we too hear from our waking savior, not words of comfort, but rebuke, “Oh Ye of little Faith.”

The very One who created life, nature, and man, was close enough to touch, so why this reaction to the storm? Why the panic? What is it about trials, sorrows, and storms that draw out these reactions even though we know God is in control? I’ve observed this in many of my peers and I’ve seen this in myself that this lack of living in the REST of God is often commonly summoned up in three simple words; “Don’t you care?” However, the root issue has more to do with saving self, than trusting God. Jesus went straight to the heart of the matter. He saw through the “Don’t you love us, Lord” issue, to ways we are hindered from going on in our spiritual lives. There are three areas of lack I’ve discovered (from my own falling and finding out:) that point to hindrances of walking by faith.

PRIDE takes on all kinds of forms, but in conflict it can dress itself in depression or defeat. In some ways, those who live in these attributes of pride might very well be sleeping right along with Jesus in the boat, because they have checked out. “A storm? Wake me up when it’s over!” They don’t care, and this form of SELF-PERSERVATION calls out for God to make their world better. Often in conflict and struggles this is the first area that our Heavenly Father touches. J.I. Packer expresses it this way, “ Not until we have become humble and teachable, standing in awe of God's holiness and sovereignty... acknowledging our own littleness, distrusting our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down, can divine wisdom become ours.”
Denying SELF, is the first step to understanding true life and freedom in Christ. SAVING SELF was much more on the disciple’s minds than riding out the storm. Corrie Ten Boon says “If a bird is flying for pleasure, it flies with the wind, but if it meets danger it turns and faces the wind, in order that it may fly higher.” Resentment of conflicts will eventually cause the very things you fear the most to destroy you in the end. The bird knows to use the same winds that beat against its chest, to rise above the danger. These storms are designed to take us to His higher, safer destinations.

CONTROL is another chief contributor to our lack of REST. Its expressions are often anxiousness and fretting. No one is allowed to sleep when we are operating in this spirit. We deceive ourselves into believing we need or want something enough that we must wake up our Lord to inform Him. This type of control is similar to the waves of the sea. It reflects a life of one who has continual up and down experiences. They think that what they want is answers, but their true motives are merely peace without conflict. If they can’t command the storm to stop, they look to manipulate the one who can. C.S. Lewis describes it in this way, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” Their self-serving prayers are aimed to be delivered from the discomfort instead of learning endurance in the conflict. This is so foundational in how our own children learn to approach life and understand the love of God. Jesus stopped the storm, not for their comfort, but to expose their unbelief. Many families wonder why their older children do not have more depth, while failing to see that following Christ always has a cost. Do we want our children to be happy, or to take up their cross? Those who grow in faith will allow the conflicts to draw them closer to a deeper understanding of the love of God and His purposes: which are to conform us into Christ’s image.

LACK OF VISION is another reason we rage at the coming waves. We are too prone to trust in our feelings and eyesight. Our emotions become our reality and we fail to see that goodness and mercy are always following close behind. This place of REST (seen in a believer’s life) is a marvel to the world. How can this man sleep, in such a storm? People who lack vision only go as far as they see naturally. Their lives are limited, and you are more apt to see them isolated, safe on the shore, and going nowhere. They have been on that boat, and because they blame others for their own lack of progress, they are not getting on that boat again! Faith was needed to continue, but all they remember is the rough ride. At this juncture, the Father proved their heart, as He did his disciples: it was about them, not HIM. Oswald Chambers sums up the disciples dilemma of faith in this way;

“Our trust is in God up to a certain point, then we go back to the elementary panic prayers of those who do not know God. We get to our wits' end, showing that we have not the slightest confidence in Him and His government of the world; He seems to be asleep, and we see nothing but breakers ahead. "0 ye of little faith!" What a pang must have shot through the disciples - 'Missed it again!' And what a pang will go through us when we suddenly realize that we might have produced down right joy in the heart of Jesus by remaining absolutely confident in Him, no matter what was ahead.

In His presence is fullest of joy. The original meaning of joy here is calm delight. It’s a trust that is mature and settled in heart. It is not shaken by what may seem like chaos in the world. It stands firm, and allows the waves to wash over rather than knock down, knowing that all things work together for them who love God and are called according to His purpose. Those who have come to know this calm delight, have been with Jesus, and are not threatened when He seems silent. They have learned to put their confidence in “things (Him) not seen, but eternal!”

"When thou passest through the waters"
Deep the waves may be and cold,
But Jehovah is our refuge,
And His promise is our hold;
For the Lord Himself hath said it,
He, the faithful God and true:
"When thou comest to the waters

Thou shalt not go down, But through."

Seas of sorrow, seas of trial,
Bitterest anguish, fiercest pain,
Rolling surges of temptation
Sweeping over heart and brain
They shall never overflow us
For we know His word is true;
All His waves and all His billows
He will lead us safely through.

Threatening breakers of destruction,
Doubt's insidious undertow,
Shall not sink us, shall not drag us
Out to ocean depths of woe;
For His promise shall sustain us,
Praise the Lord, whose Word is true!
We shall not go down, or under,
For He saith, "Thou passest through."
--Annie Johnson Flint

Pictured above Wind Torn

God is Working

God is working

I am waiting

Hope is born

Anticipating

God is working

I am waiting

 in my soul

His life creating

God is working

I am waiting

peace is born

 pride is breaking

God is working

I am waiting

His promise true

Invigorating

~Anonymous

God has wisely kept us in the dark concerning future events and reserved for himself the knowledge of them, that he may train us up in a dependence upon himself and a continued readiness for every event. 
~Matthew Henry

There are always uncertainties ahead, but there is always one certainty--God's will is good. ~Vernon Paterson 

Hope is patiently waiting expectantly for the intangible to become reality. ~Avery D. Miller 

The Work of Waiting

There is some times an explainable deeper work done in the heart when time has said “wait.” 

 We are tried in what we wanted, or did not want and are then faced with our inability to do anything about it. A heart that wrestles with waiting does not understand fully the REST of God. 

 Maybe, we have tasted it, but have hardened our hearts when our Father wanted to lead us to a much FULLER land of His abundance. 

The Israelites, 

wanted Promise without pain. 

 They wanted riches without having to reign over giants. 

 We want, without waiting. 

 Good things come to those who wait.

Why? Because they are not allowing WANT to lead, and will not settle for anything less than what the Father desires.

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” Is. 40:31

“ A good life makes a man wise according to God and gives him experience in many things, for the more humble he is and the more subject to God, the wiser and the more at peace he will be in all things.” 

~Thomas a Kempis